Monday, April 16, 2012

Clean up the mess I have made here

Just wrote an email to my Aunt Rosie, I feel like it says more that I feel like writing right now. Enjoy, even though most of it I have posted either on one blog or another. Some of it is new:




Dear Rosie, 

I am keeping busy, but that is no excuse, everyone is. I am just a poor correspondent. I do apologize for that. 

It is almost over, another semester and I have spent most of it figuring out knit looming on looms I built in studio. One is about four foot across the other is not quite five foot across. I have been using old t-shirts I have recycled and cut up into strands of yarn. It would make for a nice throw or rug or something pleasant to sit on if you were picnicking outside. Not necessarily what I intended for my art. But I had an interesting critique from Roger Blaklely and his wife Cecilia Allen, both professors at the University of Illinois, last week. He talked about the magic of the sound. His deceased wife used to weave and he was saying how he really didn't have to see her to know exactly what she was doing or what was going to happen next. And Cecilia talked about the knitting being more alive then my ideas of crochet installation. Roger and Cecilia think I am over thinking and suggest just working and not always planning it out or worrying about it. Just make it and worry later. That is hard for me to do most of the time, I feel questions have to be answered before I just go on with it. But that I am learning that part of the beauty of art is you don't always have to have the answers at the beginning. 

 I have this summer to really nail down a show for this fall. I am trying to find a way to combine all that I have learned. I would like mixed media and not just casting or strictly fiber art. Family trees, real trees, bird nests, nesting, connections have been all been in my head a lot lately. Also the mother like figures in my life; Mom of course but both of my grandmothers and my aunts, especially you and Ann.But how everyone reuses, or re purposes materials not just fabric but plastic bags, bottles, and various other things.  Then there is Dad and how creative he can get with his own recycled objects, twine string, oil bottles, old bits of disk blades, the list is endless. I just appreciate all of this now that I am older and growing up around it it was a big influence in my life. Also collecting for just in case you need it. I want to incorporate all of this into my art. This is how the nesting and birds nests came about. I was thinking about taking all of this stuff and making various kinds of nests for different kind of birds. I also have this vision of crocheted, afghan style tree skirts. Also crocheted or loomed hay bale covers out of twine string, and cast dollies and knitted things. Anyway, all kind of up in the air at the moment. The string represents my connections: family, friends, or otherwise. The nesting represents home of sorts, or things that are vital to my survival, as a child, as an adult. Nests as you know are strictly to raise and protect the mothers young. My very dear friend of mine, Zach, suggested I get a brush pile, place my nest at the top of it, and use it as my pedestal instead of an actual pedestal. I want to cast only the branch that will hold the nest in bronze. It is a precious material and it should hold the home of something that is very important to me.  I think this piece would house my nest made up of my religious beliefs. They are a very important thing in my life. And we all know it is not often the nest that fails but the branch, however by putting the branch in bronze it will show how strong of a foundation it was built on and it has to be physically cut off before it will break on it's own. 

I am sorry, this all probably seems a little nonsensical but these are my thoughts on my show those far and I haven't really taken the time to sit down and write them out together before now. They are all up in my head but separate entities. I feel they could all go together I just have to keep that one connection, that one thread that runs through the entire show. I just thought you might have some input, ideas or thoughts for me. 

Other than studio, work is going well. About a month ago I had an evaluation and I received a four out of five and they gave me a .25 cent raise. So life isn't too shabby. I still clean Shultz Construction office on the weekends and trying to put that money away in savings. 

I also need to get a tripod for my Canon and take images of my paintings so I can send them off to galleries. I hope to get a group show going so maybe I could try for Carnegie in Leavenworth, The art gallery in Greensburg, the Mac gallery here in town. Dan also had some ideas of places in Nebraska and further south in KS. I am itching to paint. I have a new series already in my head. It deals with the kitchen I work in, food preparation, and just food in general. The colors are just amazing back in the kitchen even though no one there realizes it. I am trying to get done with my sculpture show before I go back to painting. but I feel I would like to talk dad letting me house a table and miter saw somewhere back homes so I can make my own stretcher bars. I really would like to paint before I apply to grad school. I have been thinking  a lot about Washington or Arizona. Right now they are just ideas. I ultimately have to go where ever is a best fit for me. 

What else, I signed a lease for an apartment with Manndi, my roommate from last year at the Vattier house and a new sculpture grad student, Allison, from Georgia. Mom, Kim and I booked tickets to go see April, Dustin and the Baby June 6-13. We hope to maybe catch up with Pat and Dorthy. We will have to work it out. Okay I think that is all my news. 

I hope life it treating you well. 

Love you, 
Bridget

Friday, April 6, 2012

I'm fine.

First off, I cannot believe I am going to write one of these blogs. I would apologize, but honestly who cares. They happen.

I know I am not alone yet this is how I feel. I have had this big nasty void inside for so long. What am I doing anymore? There is just nothing inside. I just don't care about anything I am working on. I have no direction. I should clarify, I have no direction in my sculpture work. I know I will have to grow up and pick soon. But I am known as the experimenter. Apparently people have been living vicariously through me. I can inspire people and I can help people but when will I be able to inspire and help myself.

I know it begins with me but Hell if I can motivate myself to get into studio and just do it. I would rather throw my effort into something else. Working out, eating right, my day time job. Anything but studio and sculpture.

I walk in and see my greatest achievements to date, BFA paintings, just sitting in my studio and knowing that that is where they will stay unless I do something about it.  I am just so mad about it. Knowing and not doing, the story of my life. But I am Bridget Lee this cannot be my life, right? I am always on top of things and willing to lend a helping hand and staying positive and just doing the damn thing. Ha, right.

If my friend Rhona ever read these lame ass excuses I am going on about right here she would not even know me. And that also hurts. Knowing that I am not only letting myself down but others as well. Some of my friends would just pat my back and say it's okay but seriously it is not. I need to get my shovel out and dig myself out of this bull shit, laced with laziness, and guilt I am piled in. Because this is not honest dirt.

Tonight I looked around my bedroom and have this itch to clean. I am not talking vacuum, mop, or change the sheets. I am talking going through this baggage I have created for myself. This isn't healthy. I do it because I don't want to forget. But if I am not looking at it or reliving the moment constantly, like in the movie Groundhog Day, then lets face it, if it is a memory worth keeping I will have and will always remember it. If not then that's nice but it has to go.

Studio is the same way. I need to say adios to some baggage in their. Starting with those paintings, all of the little nick-knacks Zach gave me, old sketch books, anything not dealing with me as an artist at this very moment. I just cannot do it anymore. I have to have a clean slate.

I went no meat about a week ago. I am a vegetarian with vegan tendencies. But not going to jerk your chain, if I am craving a burger I am going to eat a burger. But this is a big life style change for me. I am also working out more frequently and hope to get a routine down. I need this to keep me going through the summer and for next semester's BFA class. I just need this. This is for me. No one else, just me.

Part of me says I should be using this time and effort towards someone else, I am wasting my time doing this, This isn't okay. I have to keep telling myself it is okay. It feels good to spend 30 minutes on the elliptical, then 30 minutes on Pilates, then going home and making something fresh that tastes so much better than the garbage I was eating. I just cannot help but feel selfish. I am just having a hard time balancing life right now. I have been having a hard time since January of 2011.

I have lost my way.

I need to figure it out and move on I suppose. There is always someone who has it worse. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Love, B

Monday, April 2, 2012

Sweet Potato, Pumpkin Pie


Skyscrapers, by OK Go

I know life situations, people, and things don't typically stay the same. I know people change their minds, their hair, their location, their sweet disposition, however that does not necessarily mean I will always understand or like it, however I am learning to accept it and go on.

One of our temporary Managers, Shane, is leaving today for his new store in Salina. I will miss him. He will be a vital asset to any team he walks into. Also Ben, Papa Bear, is leaving us soon. He has a baby on the way. I feel like the party only just begun and it is ending all too quickly. 

Kim came up to stay with me this weekend. I miss her. I also miss my older sister, April, and our long walks. I miss hearing all about her day and all the activities she was involved in. I need to start walking again but it is just not the same without her there. 

Nathan celebrated his MFA on Friday. Got all dolled up and hit the town. It was fun. I think we all needed it. 

Worked quite a bit this weekend. Yesterday, even though we hit some rocky times, I enjoyed yesterday. It is all the small things. We worked together and pulled through. It feels so good to be part of a team. It was just enjoyable. 

My coffee tastes sweet this morning. Not sure what it is. Not sure that I mind. 

Need to grab my loom stuff and sketch book and head into studio. 

I think I am going to buy this song off of itunes, Skyscrapers by OK Go. I love the music video, beautiful. 

Enjoy, B

Artist Statement, 2012

Artist Statement, 2012

Artist Resume, 2012

Artist Resume, 2012