Good to me.

So no one likes to cry but if I had to choose my favorite one to cry, I would say it would be the kind where at first you do not realize you are crying until you feel the tears fall off your face onto your hands or your chest. To me that is the best kind of cry, the cry where you don't need to sob or wail or cry out. It is just that kind of cry that is ever so quiet and hushed. It does not need words because you know what you have to do or what you need. It is the cry where this odd sense of peace settles over you...this sense of acceptance. Acceptance, yes thats it.

Last night I cried those silent, peaceful, accepting tears for what has been, what is, and what will be. It felt so good.

Oh and I wrote! I wrote a letter to a very dear friend. I sent an SOS to another. And reassurances to yet another.

I miss you and have kept up with you and your life this whole time. I guess I haven't written because I, for some reason or another, decided that you had a new life and that you had forgotten about me. Silly? I know but that is what I was thinking. Then last night I was talking to Angie and It hit me like a freight train...She is good. She just said something I think you would have said to me and it was like someone knocked me out cold. I felt cold. I felt heartsick and lonely....oh so damn lonely. Like I would never be connected to another again. Then I cried and I realized that you...that you my dearest friend are kindred to my soul. It aches without you and for you. And you are so much more muchier than you will ever let yourself believe. You build me up, and build me up and just keep building. I feel like I have given nothing in return then you write those words and I know how I have given to you. I give to you in my work. I hope you know you are my inspiration, my strength, and my weakness. I love you even if we are miles apart.

Okay, okay, enough is enough. Vicky and I had our first meeting with the personal trainer. It went well and I am beat. Only a ten minute ab workout...Yeahhh....about that. I know I will feel it in the AM.

I rearranged today. The living room is almost unrecognizable. It feels good and I think you would love it. It feels like home. Minus Gina's coffee table and futon. Use your imagination and the room is full and warm!

Cleaning is all I think I will get accomplished this week and maybe a soak in the tub. Mmmm Hmmm.

New nail polish...Crimson. I think it looks kind of more like a Luscious Vine Ripened Tomato...Mmm yes. It is good. I almost want to take a bite of my fingers and toes.

Smooth yet rough around the edges is the way to go. I think I have a plan, some goals, and a whole Hell of a lot of work to get done! I am so excited about this and it has been so very long since I have felt this way about what I do.

It all seems to be fitting into place.

All it takes is Faith, Hope, Trust and a little Pixy dust!

Good night my loves,
B