Ghost Cat

This past week has been bit of a downer.

Why do I let how others feel and what they think get under my skin and just sit and simmer. Just when I think about being happy about my decisions, someone just has to go and say something that just brings me right back down. So many people do not think I am happy and some people think I am too happy.

(throwing my hands up in surrender)

Shit was going so right, then it went wrong, then it went right, then it went wrong, and then VERY wrong, then sort of right, then a hiccup then wrong, and just when I started to get back on the right track it took a turn for the worst.

Bleh.

Have you ever wanted to start again? I mean really get the fuck out of where ever you are and just live a new life. Not necessarily running away from your old one, you just NEED a real sudden change to jerk you out of the funk.

I am happy at my job for the most part, I mean EVERYONE has to do shit at their job they hate. I would actually like to get a second one, keep me busy. I know I am good at art but right now I just don't want to do it. ...Wow, I have thought it for awhile but have never actually said it outloud, huh?

I just don't want to do art right now.

Do you guys ever do something you are good at for so long that you just get a tiny bit burnt out?
I have been doing art almost non stop for 6 years...I am tired. I just want to work, go out, have a drink, bullshit, READ!, sew, cook, swim, run, frolick, vacay someplace amazing, live, love, lose, and love again...oh and laugh, laugh so fucking hard I cry.

I think I am letting other peoples expectations for me get in the way of what I want and when people see or don't see what they think I should be doing, then obviously I am:
A)Either really, Really, REALLY unhappy
B)In a shitty relationship, with an undeserving male, who is a minority
C) Super happy and cannot possibly have time for anything else
D) Just a SELFISH BITCH!
E)All of the above.

Who wouldn't want to escape all these super high expectations? I mean, my dad is a self made man, he farms, works with his hands everyday of his life. My mom is super good with people and numbers/budgets and bullshit. Idk, what is wrong with wanting to work in a kitchen and just hangout for a bit?

Arizona keeps creeping up in my mind though. I might call my aunty and see how long her guest is staying...I would love to take some time off and go see her.

I want to use my passport.

I might have a slight crush on someone... I love that school girl feeling, butterflies and all that lovey dovey bullshit <3 p="">
Ghost Cat was epic. It had Ellen Page in it. You should def watch it....only with a BIG bottle of wine :)

Love, B